I had the privilege of meeting a woman at college who wrote an article on her blog about being modest in dress. She received thousands of views and sparked a lively debate on her comment feed. The article became more than just a discussion on clothing. It was a look into how women are viewed and treated by men. She closed off the comment section two days after posting due to the hassle of moderating so many comments. I feel this discussion still needs to continue in our own lives.
Writing a blog on human behavior has been rewarding for me. The few articles I have written cover a variety of topics for anyone interested. However, I see no reason to limit the range of topics to only those directly connected to Asperger syndrome. This diagnosis is part of my life and my life is what I write about.
You can’t fully review human behavior without talking about sex. It is an issue that applies to everyone. I recognize there is a proper time and place to discuss such material. I’ll let you figure out when and where that should be.
I give you four criteria for dealing with issues about sex:
Sex is not a complex thing. It happens. With seven billion people on the planet you can imagine it happens a lot. How do you think they got here?
Our bodies are designed to experience sex. Our brains are wired to react to the thought of sexuality. Even our dreams indulge in the subject from time to time. How did such a common thing become so taboo to talk about? It’s kind of necessary if you plan on continuing the human race. Why avoid the unavoidable?
Each person defines sex differently. Some view it as a recreational event. Others may see it as a pure expression of love. Whether you judge it to be romantic or revolting you have to at least see it for what it truly is; a bodily function. It’s only as special or vile as we make it to be. The nature of sex is not what the issue is. It’s what human nature does to mess it up that’s the problem.
A lot of grief could have been saved if someone just told me what I needed to know about sex when I was younger. Do you know what I received for the birds and the bees talk? “Don’t think bad thoughts.” Kids would laugh at me in school when I didn’t know what certain terms meant. Why would they expect me to know what a prostitute was at 13 years of age? I had jury duty when I was 19 years old and the other jurors had to explain a few things to me about sex so I could participate in our discussion about rape. I’ve learned more about sex from standup comedians than anywhere else.
Where are you supposed to go to learn this stuff? Sure, schools have Sex Ed courses. Those only teach you the anatomy of it. No one tells you when you’re supposed to start taking sex seriously. I can’t just go up to someone and say, “Teach me everything there is to know about sex.” And it’s not like there’s a how-to guide written down somewhere like “Sex for Dummies.” Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was. To summarize, how you learn something is important.
You can’t solve an issue without talking about it. I have made so many mistakes in the past because I was awkward about sexuality. Most of these mistakes were made because I was ignorant and didn’t have a clear idea of what I was supposed to do. I would say the wrong things and hang around the wrong kind of people. You shouldn’t learn important things like sex from those who make light of it. Sex, like art, is not for amateurs.
I’ll be straight with you. I want to have sex. I think about it often (mostly unintentionally). There’s nothing wrong with being honest about that. I choose to wait till I am married to have sex and it will be with someone special. The act is never as important as the person. You can’t make healthy decisions like that without knowing exactly what you want and being open about it. What does being vague get you? Nothing good.
Anything worth doing is worth doing well. Whether discussing sex or participating in it, you need to get comfortable with it. Nothing will improve if we are all awkward about this. Sex is in. Deal with it.
The human body is beautiful. Who will fault me for having body parts? I am not ashamed to notice that other people have bodies either. I enjoy it when a woman wears jeans that say, “Hey, I have calf muscles.” How can I not notice a woman’s particular geometrical configuration? No human being gets to decide in the moment what he or she enjoys. Do you think you have a say in whether or not you like sushi? Taste is not a conscious effort.
Sexuality can be represented in our image, in our conversation, and in our art. We each have our own levels of how much we are comfortable with any amount of sexuality. I think the naked human body is elegant and divine. Many artists capture this beauty with precision. However, I wouldn’t want to be surrounded by this beauty around breakfast time. It’s difficult to eat a bowl of Grape-Nuts in peace when the image of Michelangelo’s David is casually posted in front of you. And I don’t want to see sexuality slapped on the cover of a magazine or on a poster. Selling sexuality is sickening to me. And I’m sure you have had conversations on sex that were uncomfortable because you became associated with immature people. Lewd jokes, sick stories, and demeaning comments become prevalent among that group of people. I implore all to find the best and proper ways to represent sexuality in their own lives.
I still haven’t become completely comfortable with attraction, expressing it or receiving it. My image of myself hearkens back to the days of middle school when no one thought much of me. I don’t know how to react properly when someone compliments my physique. Even being physically touched leaves me at a loss. What are you supposed to do when a woman calls you handsome? You need to become familiar with these things if you desire to pursue a deeper and more meaningful relationship in the future. Do you want to discover what you’re comfortable with before you meet someone special or as an afterthought?
4. You. Yes, You!
Forming an opinion on anything gets influenced by many factors, but you ultimately decide how sex issues relate to you. And if you’re going to have an opinion you might as well be confident in it.
Issues that seem like they don’t apply to you could be knocking on your door one day. Your friends or your children may have to make some difficult choices at some point and they will need your support. Don’t pass off this responsibility to strangers.
I have my own opinions on what is appropriate behavior when dealing with sexuality. I let people decide what they feel is right and I share my opinion with them when asked. My only wish is that people will recognize sex issues never hurt just one person. All of us are affected by it.
It’s good to be aware of these things before they become a problem. Thousands of years of recorded human history and we are still trying to learn how to deal with sex issues. I would advise against using the trial-and-error method.
Being a 30-year-old single male doesn’t make me an authority on sex, but I can say I am an adult. I always expected adults to know how to make all things right. At some point you have to decide when you become the adult. I already know what I am going to teach my children. “A cell from daddy and a cell from mommy are mixed together and grow inside mommy’s belly and it becomes a baby. You’re going to bring your date home on time and treat them like royalty. And when you find that special someone you better not be looking around for any other person. Make me proud.”