When reading the definition for Asperger syndrome you will most likely discover the term social difficulties under the list of symptoms. This is a fancy way of saying “hard to make friends.” It’s a symptom that is dependent on the actions of other people. Does having a butt load of friends cure me of Asperger Syndrome? I’d like to find out.
Doctors make it sound like the average human being has plenty of healthy relationships. “Normal people” don’t struggle to make friends, right? Ha. As if a man could decide for himself how many friends he gets to keep.
Love is a battlefield. Friends are the spoils of war. I have fought the good fight my whole life. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to fight so hard. Then again, some things are worth fighting for with all your heart.
A Defining Friend
The nature of a relationship is defined by its circumstances. Firstly, you can’t be friends with someone you haven’t met. Did you meet your friends at school? Call them school pals. The office? Office buddies then. Time is also a factor. We treat people differently if we know when they will walk away for good. Finite friends only provide so much support.
We each have our own criteria for determining who our friends are. I will offer the ultimate definition: someone who tries.
Think about it. If someone tries to improve the world, then they are a friend to the human race. If someone tries to cheer you up, then they are being a friend to you. Do they have to succeed? No. They only need to try.
Some friends try harder than others. All of us rate our friends according to their performance. Best friends do the best job of impressing us. True friends always showcase their sincerity. Bad friends disappoint us. The names of these labels describe the amount of effort each type offers.
I have called many people friend. Only two have earned themselves the title of my best friend. O Mercedes and Bianca! No names are as beautiful as yours!
Sadie was the first gal I took out on a one-on-one date (my prom date doesn’t count because my mother drove us there). With other friends I had to make a point of staying in contact consistently or they would move on. Not Sadie. She would make a point of seeing how I was doing. I could ask her to spend time with me without fear. When she went on to have her own family the nature of our friendship changed, but she made time to let me know I was still an important person. She is now the mother of a great family. I had the privilege of helping move their stuff into their new place last week. Sadie is a special lady (and her kids are the cutest).
Bianca is amazing. We are best friends to each other. What I love about her is that we are friendly rivals. This means whenever I try to perform some great act of friendship for her she always one-ups me in return. I can never get her back because she raises the bar so high every time. And I’m not her only best friend. She lets as many people in as she can carry. I’m almost certain Bianca has no limits to what she can accomplish and whom she can love. She makes me feel blessed just knowing she exists.
What makes something valuable? Is it based on how useful the item is? Does value fluctuate according to the demand others have for the object? I’ve seen people measure value by how precious something is to them. We love what we fear to lose.
You could lose everyone you know. Friends can replace you. Families can stop talking to each other. You can even lose God in your life if you do nothing to keep Him. No one is guaranteed a relationship whether you have Asperger syndrome or not.
Prove to your friends you mean business. Don’t let them slip between your fingers. Do you truly deserve to keep people you never fought for? How valuable would they be if you paid nothing to gain them in the first place?
The Elite Always Compete
Seven billion people live on this planet. That means you can make up to 6,999,999,999 friends at the most. Each human brain can only remember so many names. And our hearts can only hold so many meaningful relationships. We have no choice but to be choosy.
You either choose your friends or they choose you. People get to know each other, they follow up at a later date, and eventually a mutual understanding is reached. The process for choosing varies from person to person. However, people can’t find treasure they are not looking for. Many people think they have enough friends. Some don’t want anything to do with other human beings. Personally, I always keep looking for the next person I’ll be best friends with.
Earning friends is a fight for the right to associate with someone. Life is short and people are particular about who they spend it with. Be honest, you don’t just associate with anyone. Every friend of yours has proven themselves to you at some point and they continue to be that person you recognize as being great. I’ve fought to keep friends who didn’t want me to fight for them. I wouldn’t advise that to others.
My best friend Bianca is always surrounded by friends. Everyone is fighting to spend time with her. I can count the times we’ve been alone together on my fingers. I promised her I would always fight for her. I’m failing to keep my promise.
I’ve always despised competition. The idea of winners and losers is so sad. I don’t like the thought of treating my friend like a prize to be won. However, you have to fight for those you love. Bianca will eventually leave for another part of the world. I still don’t know what her favorite things are. I don’t know what makes her most happy. If she leaves for good, then I want to give her as many happy memories as possible. I’m not afraid to lose her, though. She will always be the most precious person I have ever known.
My friends are what I treasure the most. My thoughts revolve solely around them. Everything I do is because I want to prove myself to them and bless their lives. And I want to be a friend to as many people as possible.
Part of why I have a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome is because of all the bad experiences I’ve had. Behavioral disorders do not give other people an excuse to be bad friends. Everyone who passes my way will be treated with dignity and respect. Those who choose to draw close to me will be given the best of my love.
I wish everyone the best of luck in finding good friends. I don’t care if you’re bad at making them. You deserve to have them. Everyone does.