Having a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome makes me feel like a loser. I wouldn’t have received it if I had plenty of friends, great social skills, and performed well in school. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m amazing. It just feels like I must have made some bad moves to end up getting labeled with a behavioral disorder. I certainly didn’t win anything.
All of us are playing some game or another. We wouldn’t have to be so careful with our moves if we didn’t have things to lose.
It’s difficult to interact with people when they have vastly different objectives from you. Attending social events with the intent of making friends is counterproductive if everyone else is just looking for someone to hang out with for a finite time. You can’t understand someone if you don’t know what game they’re playing. And it’s not like people ever tell you what the game is. That would force them to reveal their hands. No one is going to give you detailed instructions on how to become friends with them. Apparently, only losers do that.
Is making friends all about saying and doing the right thing? It’s frustrating to think you can miss out on a friendship just because of one word. Playing the same game as others is meaningless if people just make up their own rules. Ask anyone what they are looking for in a relationship and you will be given a list of qualities ranging from specific to general. Expecting people to match an arbitrary list of characteristics before we meet them is like signing everyone up for a beauty contest without telling them about it.
All sports have one simple rule: don’t let the other person win. This kind of game causes us to view people as being in two possible categories: players and objects. The game is spent competing with every player we come across while at the same time trying to earn all the objects. Letting someone else be a winner makes us a loser. And winning an object means nothing if we have to share it with another. The only objects that matter are the ones that make us a winner.
Games of Chance
Some victories are only appreciated by losers. People will often risk the good things in life to voluntarily become losers. The point of this game is to see how much you can lose before losing everything. How much can you push your family away before the relationship is gone forever? How closed off do you have to be before everyone stops approaching you? We play these dangerous games because they are addictive. The smallest victories are so sweet when you are so close to losing it all.
I have few friends. Many people assume this is because I don’t play the game well enough. The real reason is because I refuse to play peoples’ games. I’ve known many women who want to play “Find the Boyfriend” with me while I’m just looking for good friends who won’t replace me the moment they find someone new. I know exactly what to say and do to make people value me, but I would rather find out who would dump me the moment I don’t measure up to their expectations. I want everyone to taste victory and I’m willing to be a loser if it means someone receives more. I’ll risk being seen as a loser if it means I get to be myself.