I can’t handle the truth.
They say denial is the first step in the grievance process. It isn’t easy to catch yourself while in the act of self-deception. Who can you trust if not yourself?
I was an adult when I finally became comfortable calling anyone my friend. I let people in who made me feel good. Isn’t that what people are supposed to do?
Every time it got bad I would hold on to the hope that things could get better. If I worked a little harder, then maybe people would be nicer to me. I refused to blame others and took full responsibility to make things right. Isn’t that the right attitude?
Focusing so hard on the good in people can obscure all the bad they do. I didn’t see the physical abuse happening to me. I failed to notice the teasing was actually verbal abuse. In my patience I couldn’t tell I was being neglected. How could I have missed all this?
I convinced myself I was happy. I lied to myself to stay happy. A deception was more pleasant than the reality of having no friends. An illusion kept me from seeing the ones I loved were hurting me. Where are they all now?
The world is not always a good place. Refusing to see the bad doesn’t make it any better. I have to be willing to feel despair if I’m going to recognize when something isn’t right. I’ll take on all the bad in the world if I have to. I am not going to give up hope. That’s the truth.