“What if your life was just like it is in the movies?”
INTERVIEWER: Good afternoon, Mr. Mann. Glad you could make it. Please, have a seat.
MAN: Thank you.
INTERVIEWER: Now, this hiring process may be a bit more in-depth than you are used to. Start by telling me a little about yourself.
MAN: Okay. Well, my name is Avery Mann. I was born in a small town in America. My childhood was nothing unique. It was mostly spent inside a fantasy world I entered into through the attic in my house. I did that for a while, slaying dragons and saving kingdoms, until I eventually overcame my personal fears and learned to trust in my own strength. After that, my family moved into our new house. We stayed there for about a week until we discovered the house was haunted by the ghosts of the previous tenants. We really came together as a family at that time. Those of us who made it out moved to our new place on the west coast. It was a bit of a rough transition moving to a new town. Fortunately, I partnered up with a group of kids over our mutual love for sports while gaining a valuable lesson in friendship and perseverance. Beyond that, I was a pretty normal student graduating at the top of my class despite peer pressure, social injustices, and feelings of inadequacy.
INTERVIEWER: Okay. Describe a time you were faced with a challenge. What did you do?
MAN: Let me think. Well, there was that time I had to battle an alien invasion. I was originally going to follow the crowd and trust the government to handle the situation, but I decided to take responsibility and use my own wits to come up with a solution. I eventually uncovered one fatal weakness in the alien army’s defense and exploited it to quickly make an end to their campaign. That was a good weekend.
INTERVIEWER: How do you handle working in a high stress environment?
MAN: I’ve had good practice. Just last year, I had an existential crisis I overcame by getting into my new music career as a professional beatboxer. Turned out there is nothing you can’t overcome if you believe in yourself enough.
INTERVIEWER: Why did you decide to leave that career path?
MAN: The industry was moving in a direction I didn’t agree with. It was getting monotonous with all the murder and intrigue. I was able to finally reveal the truth after following a series of clues leading to the identity of the true culprit. Turned out my brother was behind it all. We had an epic showdown on top of the roof of a building where we fought to the death. I took this as a sign I needed to move on. Plus, the hours weren’t great.
INTERVIEWER: Alright then. One last question. If you were an animal, which animal would you be?
MAN: I would have to say a dog. My father was turned into one by some unidentified supernatural cause where he had to break the curse by learning the value of humility. I think I take after him in that respect.
INTERVIEWER: Nice. I’m just going to call it right now. I want you to have the job.
MAN: Thank you very much. You know, at first I thought you were going to make me go through a rigorous hiring process requiring me to compete against other people for the job in the hopes of showcasing our flaws and strengths while fighting the temptation to give up.
INTERVIEWER: Usually we do, but for you we’ll make an exception. I think you’ll do just fine as our new secret agent. We just need to get you your company badge and sign some paperwork. For now, he’s your company issued handgun and a license to kill.
INTERVIEWER: So, when can you start?
MAN: I’m pretty open. My car doubles as a time machine so I can start literally anytime.
INTERVIEWER: Splendid. I’ll see you yesterday then.