Name Me

What’s my name? Joseph. My name is Joseph.

I was given the name Joseph in honor of a great man. Don’t call me Joe if you don’t like being corrected. Names only have meaning after we take time to honor them. I think I’m worth both syllables in the name Joseph.

The giving of a name is a significant moment in any circumstance. Someone has to come up with all these names we give to people, places, and things. Names should be given with thought and consideration.

The best way to avoid lame names is to plan out all the names you would consider using in the future. Here are some names you should plan for.

Stage name

Not everyone who gets to be a performer has a cool sounding moniker. Executives are less likely to put your name on a poster if you’re name happens to be Rusty Bucket. Plenty of actors, music artists, and pro-wrestlers choose a stage name that reflects how interesting they are. These names range from simple ones to random words found in the dictionary. John Wayne went with something simple. Meatloaf went with an entrée. If I had to choose a stage name I would go with Lance Phoenix. Nobody would question my masculinity with an alias like that.

Pen name

Sometimes you want to put your work out into the world without having to worry about reputation. Pen names allow you to shift the credit elsewhere. This allows written material to be judged on its own merits and not by the expectations placed on its writer. A good piece of writing shouldn’t be condemned because we happen to know who the author is. Also, we have the right to distance ourselves from a project we feel doesn’t reflect our original vision. Many an Alan Smithee would agree with me. I’m not going to go with a pen name for my works because I want people to know me, but if the need for one arises I could always use Will Wright. Least suspicious name I could think of.

User name

A lot of competition exists for getting the user name you want. No two people can share a user name on the same website. Think of them as serial numbers for people. Another Joseph Meldrum already existed on Twitter and YouTube when I began my social media journey. I had to go with something different. The name I chose for YouTube is Reticent Man. It’s meant to reflect how I don’t write online unless I feel it is worth typing. I wanted to use the same user name on Twitter, but it looks like someone else already thought of Reticent Man. Future generations are going to have a hard time getting the user names they want when we are using up all the clever ones.

Pet name

Names aren’t just for identification. They’re for fun, as well. Not everyone likes pet names, but for those of us who actually enjoy having fun it is a treat. I have already taken thought to all the pet names I don’t like being called. My future wife will not call me honey. I don’t know why, but I have something against being called after the substance that bees regurgitate. In fact, I don’t like being compared to anything animal related. In the other direction, my wife will be worshiped with well thought out pet names. A goddess such as her deserves the best. She’s not my kitty cat or my little muffin. She’s my queen.

Code name

Our welfare often hinges on keeping our identities secret. Speaking in code is necessary even in civilian life. Names need protection just as much as anything else. A code name gives the world something to say while your name is kept safely anonymous. Make your code name enigmatic and mysterious so as to draw focus away from what you are trying to protect. Agent X can’t do his job if he has to worry about people exploiting his secret identity. I could tell you my code name, but that’s a secret.

Superhero name

With great power comes great responsibility to pick a great name. A superhero name says something about the person and embodies who they are. It lets people know what the hero’s cause is or what the hero can do. Most people know me as mild mannered Joseph Meldrum. However, I am also known as Middle Man. I was born as a middle child in the mid-eighties to a middle class family in the middle of nowhere. One fateful day in the middle of September in my mid-thirties I had a mid-life crisis and it gave me the power to come between criminals and their objectives. No evil-doer can thrive when I get in the middle of things. Fear my name, villains, for I am the beginning of your end.


We are born with a name. Some we inherit. Others we are gifted. But it doesn’t end there. Life continues to give us names as we journey to discover who we are. They are badges of honor people give us. I wish to be Joseph the Great. The only way people will call me that is if I live according to the name I hope to be worthy of. In the meantime, I think Joseph is a pretty great name.


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