It is said all is fair in love and war. That doesn’t sound fair.
Dating and romantic relationships comprise a specific part of a person’s social life. For someone like me who is diagnosed with a behavioral disorder it is difficult enough to make friends with people let alone convince them to want to date me. I can’t speak for others, but I’m sure many people share my frustrations with the whole dating game.
As I’ve said before, having great social skills does not make people like you. Social skills just help you to not look like a fool in public. What makes people like you is your unique personality. Someone out there is looking for a person a lot like you. Dating brings people together with compatible personalities and potentially creates healthy relationships. I’m all for it. So why can’t I have one?
I come from a family that doesn’t express their feelings very well. If personal feelings are had in the Meldrum family, those feelings are quietly sealed away only to be allowed out during set times in a safe, risk-free environment. This background made it difficult to learn how to show or receive affection. Even feeling desired provides a challenge.
My own personal experiences of getting close to people are very few. The instances where I became openly affectionate with another lasted only a couple weeks each time. In all cases, I wasn’t the one who initiated the relationship but rather ended up in circumstances that lead to affection. I was just there at the right place and time. All I did was make it easy for people to kiss me.
I’m a little more mature now, but I still make rookie mistakes. People have gotten hurt because I didn’t know what I was doing. I wish I had a better way of learning besides trial and error.
What is clear to many is confusing to me. People talk as if there are simple and intuitive rules to dating. All I see is a flawed system.
For one thing, my priorities are different from a lot of people. I want to meet people. I’m desperate for real human connection. Other people seem to prioritize finding romance. I’ve had experiences where people were hoping I was going to make some kind of move while I was just happy to have what I thought was a friend. When they eventually decide there is no romance to be had they would drop me to look for another person. In all cases, I didn’t realize this was happening until long after the fact.
So much I don’t see. Other people can look at a situation within a context of romance while I remain oblivious. Many women I know had crushes on me, but I didn’t know it at the time. I bet there are many more I am still oblivious to.
Love Conquers All
None of what I have experienced in the past has discouraged me from moving forward. I want to be in a close, personal relationship with a woman who genuinely loves me. I know that the woman I will one day marry is out there somewhere. She’s probably looking for me. I may not be talented in dating, but I am skilled in expressing love. Whoever chooses me to take their hand in love, I will not fail them.