Make Them Laugh

I’m not funny.

Believe me when I say that wasn’t easy to admit. I love making people smile. The moments when I can get someone laughing are moments I look forward to experiencing. It’s simply a shame I can’t do it on command.

Some people just got that talent. The way they speak and move just exudes funny. They know how to entertain people. I’m so jealous of that. I would love it if all people found they could enjoy themselves just by being around me.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not boring. Not if you take time to get to know me. But comedy is all about timing. You have to hook people in with the few seconds they are willing to give you. That’s a lot of pressure.

As a kid I would copy the comedians I listened to on TV. I wanted to make people laugh the same way they did. That wasn’t such a good idea. Tell one Denis Leary joke at school and you’ll end up visiting the guidance counselor for the rest of the year.

The things I do that make people laugh the most is my blatant confidence. They find it funny when I talk big. It’s kind of like when people hear a child talk like an adult. They probably think I am punching above my weight.

A lot of people I meet find my way of speaking to be entertaining. It can work against me quite often. Sometimes when I am talking with someone they begin to smile because they think I am leading up to a joke and they get disappointed when I finish my thought and it turns out to not be funny at all. You can’t be normal and funny at the same time.

I just don’t do jokes. Jokes are so hard to get right. I’d rather just point out what is funny in the moment instead of preparing the funny for a future time. Want to hear one of my prepared jokes? “The best thing a person with anger issues can do is become an astronaut. They just need a little space.” See what I mean?

It’s okay that I’m not funny. I can still make people smile when given the chance. Being accidentally funny isn’t so bad either. As long as I have a crowd of people around enjoying their time with me, I’m happy.

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A Modest Proposition

Sharing and liking things can be so impersonal.

Social media provides a platform for people to interact with one another in interesting ways. Everyone lives together in one encompassing global village where communication is delivered instantaneously.

Many studies have been done to identify the negative effects of social media on human behavior. Experts say social media potentially removes people far away from the “real” world.

Asking society to discontinue its use of social media is like telling people to stop driving cars and start riding horses. The only viable solution is to offer alternative forms of existing social media for people who consistently choose to be irresponsible with technology due to their unique impersonalities.

Here is a list of possible “antisocial” media for people to get their fix with:

  1. Instead of Twitter: Bitter

Who says all comments have to be constructive and thought out? Many people want to quickly express their frustrations to the public in an open setting. Bitter provides an opportunity for commenters to engage in pointless ridicule and unnecessary arguments. Feel free to vent your disapproval over random occurrences with this app’s in-your-face interface.

  1. Instead of Facebook: Twofacedbook

Creating personal profiles is a waste of time if you don’t have any interest in your own personal life. Twofacedbook encourages people to dedicate their online experience to honoring celebrities, geeking out over current events and expressing their general enthusiasm for pop culture. You don’t have to bother coming up with clever status updates when you can simply share quotes from public figures far more intelligent and important than you. Why be yourself when you can show off how mainstream you can be? Feel free to openly share with friends and family your general interests without revealing anything original or personal about yourself.

  1. Instead of Instagram: Instabland

Taking pictures and videos requires nothing more than any random modern electronic device. Nearly everything is a camera these days. Instabland gives people an opportunity to share visual content meant to showcase just how dull our normal lives are. Show off the most obvious things about you like the food you eat, the dog you own or the tourist spots you visited while on vacation. Never before has it been this easy to take poor quality photos nobody will have any interest in.

  1. Instead of Tinder: Rescinder

Finding the right person can be frustrating in the dating game. How do you sort through all the people you aren’t attracted to? Rescinder lets you return them to sender with just the swipe of a touch screen. New red-flag technology allows users to quickly make snap judgments on potential dates by evaluating what kind of a person someone is based on scant information from their online profile. Determining if there is no potential for a relationship can be done in mere seconds.

These new applications will hopefully provide a way to remove the human element out of social media. This will free up our current social media to allow for more focus to be placed on advertising. Less human interaction will mean less negativity overall.

Those hoping to engage in social media with intentions to meet and interact with real people are bound for disappointment. No classes exist for proper social media etiquette. Any positive experiences online will come at random.

A controlled and predictable environment with limited options is the only way to guarantee consumer satisfaction. Why live in the real world when you can be safe and sound in your own little world?