If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
You’ll meet plenty of people in your life who try to change you as a person. They’ll try to influence you either directly or subtly. Everyone is an influence on everyone else and those influences may end up being positive or negative. So if we are all influences on each other, can we engineer our influence on others to get a desired result?
I find myself in a lot of repeating scenarios: Eating alone at lunchtime, sitting on the sidelines at parties, and being picked last to participate in group activities. Personally, I hate ending up in these situations all the time. The frustration of being stuck reliving these moments has often pushed me to want to change the narrative. But how?
I’m sure most of us at some point had the thought that if we change ourselves then things would get better. If we wore the right clothes, had the right body type, spent more money, and always said the right thing at the right time then we would magically be treated better and life would be oh so wonderful. I tried that once. Didn’t work.
It’s good to be adaptable, but not so flexible you become limp and cannot stand on your own. The changes I make in myself is to meet my own standards. I can’t be constantly changing to meet the arbitrary standards of strangers. Besides, there isn’t one way to act that would hold the interest of every type of person. If you’re trying to impress someone, start with yourself.
Making people fit into your life the way you want will usually be met with resistance. There is a natural flow to these things and forcing it can cause you to lose people. All the friends in my life are part of my life because they chose to be. I didn’t have to convince them, trick them, or do any song and dance for them. They just stayed.
I don’t go around telling people to make more time for me. I don’t try to persuade people to think more highly of me. I just be myself and hope that those who can see what I’m all about will look in my direction.
Any improvements we make in our lives should be done with respect to others. If I try to make my life better it will not be at the expense of someone else’s freewill. If I’m going to be an influence on others, I want to be the kind that doesn’t push them but rather invites them. I’m not going to sweat the details of my existence trying to engineer the perfect life. I’ll let it flow. Let it take me to where I need to go.