What I Want

This is for those who ever wished upon a star.

Telling people what you want should be easy, right? Simply think about what you are lacking, put it into words in your mind, and then verbally describe your desires. Simple. Logical. Straightforward. So why is it hard for people to do?

Wants are more personal than needs. Needs are determined by what we prioritize at any given moment. We meet our needs because we try to be responsible over life’s important matters. A want comes from an inclination to be satisfied. The desire to be whole.

Is it possible to want what we already possess? Probably not with as much intensity. I am a man of deep desire and passion. I try to balance my life with discipline so as not to be carried away in my appetites. While some desire material things or the acknowledgement of others, I seek a more elusive prize. I don’t even know how to begin describing it to you.

Not often do people ask me what I want. Why would they? Everyone is so focused on meeting needs they forget that people have wants. Our society is designed to meet people’s needs. Something breaks; go to a shop to get it fixed. Someone gets sick; get them to a doctor. What happens when there are no pressing needs anymore? What do we focus on then?

No system is in place to give people what they want. That is something each of us has to strive for on our own. I’m not talking about happiness. Happiness is about feeling good and comes from trusting that things will work out. What I am talking about with want is more profound.

Ever wanted something for another? Wanting someone to live. Wanting someone to heal. To be safe. To be free. Truly, this is love. To meet the needs of others. To make them a priority.

People rarely say out loud what they truly want. It hurts to ask for what you ache for. I do my best to heal hearts. The pain I recognize in people breaks my heart. I wish they could tell me what they want so I don’t have to guess. We can’t expect to get what we long for if we don’t know how to ask for it.

To pursue what we want with patience shows maturity. Life isn’t about immediately satisfying our desires. Our wants will never cease. Life is about finding peace. If I can help one person to live, then that is enough for me. It’s enough.


Object of Desire

Don’t objectify me. Only my friends get to do that.

I’ve always felt people rank me lower than I deserve. Most don’t get excited to see me. They’ll compliment me on my talents and laugh at my jokes, but never make any attempt to keep me in their lives. In short, they would use me with no regard to my true worth.

The animal kingdom doesn’t worry about the worth of their fellow organisms. Concepts like honor and dignity are pointless when the only rule is to survive. An animal’s neighbor is viewed simply as either a threat, an ally, a neutral party, or food. I propose¬†that these same relationships exist among human beings.

Threats come in the form of enemies. We naturally respond to them with fear and hate. Allies might be our friends and family whom we treat with love and respect. The neutral party is anyone we pass by in life that doesn’t have any direct bearing on our personal lives. The best we can do for them is to not get in their way.

That leaves the food. The food is anyone we treat like a piece of meat. To be consumed. To satisfy ourselves. These are the people we use up to serve our own ends. The objects of our desires.

I’ve been treated like this in many instances. Women wanting to be in a relationship with me simply to cure their own loneliness. Salesmen treating me like a friend as long as I have money to spend. Political leaders asking for my support and turning their backs to me once they don’t need me anymore. I was desired for my usefulness.¬†I was discarded when I wouldn’t play along.

In some ways I desire to be objectified. Yesterday, my co-worker told me she thought I was cute. I told her I hate to look a gift horse in the mouth but that I wanted to know if she meant I was cute the way baby turtles are cute. She then said when she first met me she told her boyfriend that I was exactly the type of guy she finds attractive. This was a first for me. Nobody told me I was desirable without me having to ask first. It felt good to know I’m not unwanted.

Not every object goes unappreciated. I take good care of all my possessions. My favorite belongings are given a place of honor in my home. So it is with people. I cherish the ones I love. I do desire them for their usefulness, their beauty, and all other pleasant things about them. However, I never forget to honor them as equals and superiors. Sometimes I’m the object and I desperately desire someone to want to possess me. To belong to someone.